You’re So Vain
This past weekend an interesting thing happened at one of our liturgies. A woman came up to me at the end of communion and told me that our pastor had given her permission to speak to the church. This didn’t sound like something our pastor would allow, but I had enough doubt to allow it. Within a few seconds of her “announcement” to those gathered, I knew that she had not told me the truth as she began to tell us of her need for money. “Our pastor would never have agreed to this,” I thought to myself. I felt foolish to have given her my trust. When I later spoke to our pastor, he confirmed that she had not spoken to him.
As I prepared for bed that night, many things were still rattling around in my head concerning this woman. It amazed me that someone would have the audacity not only to lie, but to do so in front of an entire church congregation. To do something like that takes nerve. I also wondered to myself what it was that she needed the money for. Was it for her family? drugs? simply to pay the electricity bill? It could be for anything. Then I was struck by something. The thing most on my mind was not this woman or how we had treated her as a Christian community, but rather I found myself focused on how the community would see me as a result of this one day in the life of the parish. I have certainly been scammed before (as I am sure most of us have), but never in front of several hundred people. The reason I was having trouble getting to sleep was that my pride had been hurt. Once I was able to see this, the solution to my insomnia was simple. I offered a short prayer of thanksgiving to God for allowing me to see my own faults and followed up with a prayer for this nameless woman. Sleep came quickly.
It is amazing how God finds opportunities to show us ways to grow. This past weekend He showed me my own need to continually seek forgiveness for my own sins, while not forgetting that I am called to have mercy on the sins of others.
About The Author
A great story Fr.
NOT where I thought that was going.
Thanks
I am certain there is a connection but too tired to comment further. Perhaps a post to come, but don’t let that stop you from sharing your thoughts on the matter.
… definitely see the resemblance …
Think there’s any connection to the methamphetamine discussion?
I got scammed quite frequently in my last job, once quite significantly. Though it wasn’t in front of a crowd, enough people found out about it and seriously questioned my judgement. In the midst of nursing my wounded pride, it took me a while to remember to pray for the woman who tried to scam me. I am glad that you were able to see past yourself and do the only thing that could be done in the end.
Great story and insight…
A sobering story. I know I’ve been scammed dozens (hundreds) of times. I always wonder how many times God gives “anyway” when He knows the promises and deals won’t be kept or followed through with. But your “self assessment” is true, it is often more about our pride at being scammed than it is about the other person’s needs that drove them to lying or scamming. The other question unaswered is, “what would you have done otherwise if you recognized the scam?” Thank you and God bless you for your transparency.
So I think that the connection to the Methamphetamine thread for me is that the woman who showed up has a need that is not being met. Perhaps her need is not money, or maybe there is a need for something that she feels she cannot ask for, hence the lie. We are called as a Christian community to do what we can for her.
Someone emailed me to ask what the parish response was to her. Several people talked with her following mass and gave some money. I spoke with her briefly and told her that I was certain our pastor would not have given her permission to make the announcement, to which she then responded she had spoken to a deacon who had offered assistance through means other than begging at the church door, but she refused this kind of help. She wanted to return to our next liturgy and I let her know that would not be appropriate.
Your question, Steve, of what would I have done differently had I recognized the lie earlier is a good one. Usually when someone needs assistance I speak with them about what they need and try to direct them to the ways we as a community can meet that need. Many times people will not agree to this. Our pastor noted that this woman has done the same to him on several occasions and he asked her to stick around so that they could talk and she always disappears. I have no doubt that we could help her with legitimate needs if we could find out what those are. It is a generous parish.
I also recognize the need as a pastor to be a shepherd who guards against those who would take advantage of the generosity of people who are trying to live the Gospel and this is one reason I was bothered by this particular event. In the end though I would rather make the “mistake” of giving to someone who lied to me, than to refuse someone who is truly in need.
Father, “I would rather make the “mistake” of giving to someone who lied to me, than to refuse someone who is truly in need”. Wise words.
I’d agree there is more to this picture than merely financial assistance if the person insists on a public display while avoiding assistance. What I might do personally may not be what is best for your community of faith.
Thanks for the post and comments.
Oh, thank you for so honestly sharing this story with us! Imagine how fulfilling life could be if we all put our pride aside and truly learned from, prayed through, our mistakes. Great insight, indeed!
Yes, it would be much better indeed. Unfortunately I seem to always struggle with that, but I am getting better at it day by day.
Humility is the antidote to pride.
Thanks for the comment Joe. A wise Benedictine once told me that we learn to be humble by being humbled.