Blessed is the Kingdom

Seeking The Kingdom In All Things

Love Is Patient

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

This is a post that I hesitate to write as I am certain it will bring me criticism and I am not all that certain of whether what it expresses is entirely accurate. If there is one thing I have learned so far in life, it is that I am entirely capable of being wrong and of holding foolish positions. This being said, I also have learned that one of the best ways of learning is to express an opinion and allow others to respond.

Perhaps a better title for this post would be, The Medium is the Message. One of the things that has struck me recently in my ministry as a priest at St. Thomas is that sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that simply being right is enough. When I recently embarked on a four week set of homilies intended to sway people into being more fully engaged in the liturgy, I was encouraged by several people to address those who leave mass early with the tools of embarrassment and shame. My response so far has been to reject this as it does not model Christian behavior. I certainly believe that Catholics should stay put for the entirety of Sunday mass, but I am not willing to engage in anti-Christian actions in order to promote what I know to be right. The fact that I have been encouraged to do so regularly since I raised the subject to our parish is disturbing.

This phenomena is not simply limited to attempts to address those getting a head start on Sunday brunch. One place I recognize the same pattern is in the pro-life movement. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the sanctity of life. But often I feel, as I suspect many priests do, that there is a subtle message being sent that if you aren’t willing to engage in a certain brand of politics, a certain set of methods, that you aren’t really pro-life. Sometimes it seems that the only thing that matters is being on the right side, and being on the right side entitles one to say and do things that otherwise would be considered far from the Christian faith. The most serious example I have seen of this was one year at the March for Life in Washington, DC where I met pro-lifers who were providing the addresses of local abortion doctors and encouraging people to go vandalize the doctors’ homes.

One of the most instructive moments of my life as someone committed to life came when I was in college. I was at a table in our student center representing a pro-life student group. A young woman approached our table and began to berate me for taking the position I was espousing. She believed that as a man, I should have no say in what a woman chooses to do with her body. Interestingly enough, before I could mount a defense, a friend of mine who at the time was pro-choice did so for me. She took the young lady aside and told her that although she was pro-choice, I was not someone who warranted her attack, that I was a good person with a different opinion than the one she held. It was an eye opening experience for me. It seemed in that moment that my actions over the past year of knowing my friend were the real thing that kept her from dismissing what I had to say, even though she held an opposing position.

Whenever I see someone who is using the tactics of embarrassment or fear to promote the cause of life, it alarms me. At the same time, what one person would describe as trying to shame someone into something, another could see as simply giving public witness. A perfect example is the multitude of people who spend each day praying at abortion clinics. Some may feel that this gesture is meant to make those entering feel guilty and thus change their minds about what they are about to do. Others may feel that simply praying from home or church doesn’t go far enough in being present to those who may feel no other choice unless someone is physically standing by to offer them the support they need to choose life. Perhaps, like most things in life, there is a combination of both motives present.

One of the most difficult virtues for so many of us is patience. It takes work to develop patience, but when put into practice, I believe it can be more effective in changing the hearts of others than simply our belief (accurate or not) that we are right. Over the last two weeks I have spend hours on the phone with what seems like the entire Virginia Office of Taxation in an attempt to prove to them they were mistaken in believing I owed them income tax for a year I never lived in the Commonwealth. There were ups and downs in the conversation. One thing throughout was constant, that being I truly do not owe them taxes. The thing that waxed and waned was my patience. On the days I became frustrated and angry, I was given back the same. On the days I was patient and courteous, I made progress, eventually resolving the issue.

Trying to be right all the time just isn’t what it is cracked up to be, but being more patient? That’s something worth my efforts.

Related Posts:

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,


This entry was posted by on Friday, June 25th, 2010 at 10:19 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

About The Author

Fr. Christian is the pastor of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Lenoir City, TN.

Comments

  • http://pithlessthoughts.blogspot.com/2004/08/election.html s-p

    Well said, Father. Rightness of belief does not justify wrongness of action on behalf of said belief. I’ve often told fellow Christians that they need to be sure they were being rejected and berated by unbelievers for their beliefs and not for their rudeness, arrogance and unChristian behavior.

  • http://colleenspiro.blogspot.com colleen

    Amen. Thank you.

  • Mark G.

    A work colleague once said half-jokingly, “I don’t have time for patience!”

    He was eventually stopped & hauled away in cuffs for reckless driving on the way to work one morning.

    A lot of ideas swirling in this post, but S-P is right; most of the unbelieving folks I know say it is the uncharitable attitudes & behaviors of those who call themselves Christian that dissuade them considering seriously the claims of Christianity. In more than a few a cases, this is just a convenient excuse for not having to look at their own lives. Still, there is no doubt that the divisions big & small within Christianity are a scandal to the world.

    We were told we would have to suffer for our Faith. Sometimes that might just be keeping one’s mouth shut when they’d rather rail, even if they’re sure they’re right.

    Maybe one day I’ll try that.

  • M.R.

    Father Chris,

    I agree with you whole heartedly. I needed to be reminded and humbled by your words. I continue to pray for serenity in accepting what I cannot change, wisdom to know when I am being called to change, and for the courage to do it.
    I’m being especially challenged now; questions still lurk in my mind and sometimes keep me awake.
    I think patience can be active or passive, depending on the issue at hand. There is no doubt we are all called by Charity Himself to have Patience, but to discern which kind and how to practice it corresponds to each of us. The discernment is what keeps me awake and what lets me sleep is the gratitude for the grace of at least thinking about this and trying to do my best.
    Recently someone confronted me about the “weaknesses” of the pro-life movement suggesting that the methods currently used do not correspond or are effective in making people aware of the gravity of the atrocity being committed. This person did not and would not advocate vandalism of doctors’ homes but did advocate standing in front of the door to an abortion clinic and showing graphic pictures of abortions outside of clinics, among other things. Our place as men and women in this movement was discussed as well.
    I guess in these specific scenarios, I am questioning how to practice patience that will bring about change, especially concerning our precious gift of life, and practicing it with those closest to us like our families and friends.
    …or what if EVERYBODY in the parish did not stay for the entirety of the Mass?

    Many things overlap here but I felt inclined to write this…

    Father, thank you and thank God for who you are!!!!

  • Fr. Christian Mathis

    Thanks for the comments y’all.

    I suppose one way of looking at the “weakness” of those in the pro-life movement who approach it with the idea of always modeling Christian behavior seems to mirror the “weakness” of a God who was willing to die on a cross for us.

    It is not an easy thing to be a Christian. We are called to give witness to doing what is right, but at the same time to not judge our brother. One way to do this is to try to focus on our own sins first….that whole “remove the beam from your own eye first, then you can see clearly to remove the speck in your brother’s eye” concept.

    And as Mark has already suggested, perhaps one day I can give that a try for a change.

  • Mark G.

    Regarding the leaving of Mass early…

    I wonder where Dante would put such ;)

    Fr. David & I talked about this one day. How do you reach someone who doesn’t see the need for anything more than the absolute minimal experience of worship/community? It’s not like you can talk to them after Mass.

    When – in ancient times – I’ve had to man a sign-up or information table by the doors of the Narthex, I found that there’s almost nothing you do to get these folks to even look at you or acknowledge that you’re there, let alone inquire into your cause.

    I once chased a down-n-outer lady into the parking lot to give her a Little Black Book, saying, “Ma’am! Ma’am! You forgot your prayer book!” I was expecting her to pull the pepper spray, but she actually smiled & said “Thank you.”

    Part of my leaving the Church a long time ago was a sense that wherever I went to church everybody knew everybody, but nobody knew me or seemed to want to, either. Maybe the solution comes not from the pulpit as much as from folks in the parish just offering a little genuine hospitality.

  • http://www.blestatheist.com elizabeth mahlou

    Oh, so many thoughts (and others that spring up) swirling about in one post and its comments! Many of them touch “home.”

    (1) Right vs wrong. How do you define right? PC? What others think is the correct answer? Hm, seems to me even science has changed about what is right since the days I was a student (e.g., quantum physics has rewritten many “laws” that I learned). And what is so horrible about being wrong, making a mistake, having to re-do something? Wrong is often just a step toward right, and mistakes are usually only steps toward mastery. That is what I taught my children, and none are afraid to take a risk or to try new things because they know that being wrong, making a mistake, and even failing is not a permanent condition and can be something quite useful.

    (2) Shame and embarrassment never worked with my children or my students or my friends. It would not work with me, either. I can get really stubborn when people try to use those approaches with me. As for leaving the liturgy early, that came up as a discussion in our prayer group not long ago. Apparently, a number of people leave right after the Eucharist, concluding that this is really why they came to mass, anyway. When I shared that my favorite part of Mass is the quiet time that Father gives us right after the Eucharist to spend in prayer individually because the sweetness of that moment can be found nearly nowhere else, those who usually left early decided to stay after the next Eucharist — and they agreed with me. They were leaving before they had a chance to experience the best part of why they came.

    (3) My thoughts about abortion clinics is that like with anything else one does not create change from the outside. Vigils, praying outside, demonstrations, blockades, and violence are likely to change little but rather to entrench opposition and hostility on both sides, with both sides feeling even more strongly that they are right. I have spent my life being a change-master in my field of work. If that can be used in any way as a parallel, then what is needed is for someone on the inside to begin the change process. Perhaps something as simple as working together with abortion clinics and having a chaplain on call as one of the counselors might begin that change process. (Most abortion clinics with which I am acquainted do provide counseling but it is not as encompassing as it could be nor does it give as compelling a set of alternatives as it could were there to be a responsible, compassionate, understanding, non-judgmental pro-life counselor among the counseling staff on the inside.) While it would seem that everyone is aware of alternatives, most women dealing with unwanted pregnancies are only aware of what is an alternative within their own limited life circles and they are highly swayed by the thinking of women friends and families, so much depends on what “circle” they belong to. Generally, friends and family provide opinions, not options. If clinics were to provide the full range of options with a full range of supportive services and counselors, many, or at least some, women might choose a different approach.

    (4) In response to the comment that unbelievers are turned off by bad behavior from believers, I can attest to that. As an atheist, I justified my atheism in part by what I saw as small, vindictive, immoral acts by believers and more gracious and moral acts by the atheists with whom I was acquainted. Of course, both atheists and believers can behave atrociously or kindly. My conversion did not come from logic or from the influence of people around me; it was theophanic. As a result, I am able to separate what believers do from who God is. That is not something that unbelievers do or can do and is, in part, why some remain unbelievers. Rather than “fighting” for what we think is right, we should simply be letting God’s love flow through us and splash onto those around us. God’s love and grace has a much stronger effect on others than anything we can think to do or say.

    Well, enough for my two cents; it has already reached the level of a nickel.

  • Mark G.

    Elizabeth, I agree with all you said, except point 3 on 3 grounds:

    A) God rarely intervenes directly as a bolt from the blue with human beings. As St. Thomas rightly pointed out, God gave us a rational soul so that we can come to know his will & freely choose to act towards it. When we don’t, however, others must intercede.

    Those people outside of abortion clinics do matter, do change minds, do change actions, do save lives. They are the witness to the way of life in the immanent face of death. Of course it’s divisive. But it’s not a soccer match; it’s life, death, heaven, & hell, for everyone involved. Christians & others of good will must continue to be present as long as these places are in business.

    B) Your grouping of prayer with violence is not really appropriate, either. Actually, they are more like opposites. Catholics Christians (& many other Christians) hold that prayer is effective, but also that evil is real & manifests itself in concrete circumstances of time & place. Addressing the evil directly when, where, & how it appears is a big part of defeating it. God is present & evil powers weakened in a special way exactly where prayerful gatherings are held.

    This does not exclude or contradict what you say about the more uncharitable means of trying to coerce pregnant mothers into keeping their child (yelling, intimidation, & graphic photos are perhaps inappropriate in the sidewalk setting) or the more charitable ways of communicating the sanctity of life & persuading mothers to keep their children & support them afterwards. But it is not a well-made argument to mix together legitimate & illegitimate means of struggle & call them all illegitimate.

    Of course, none of these matter at the moment when a woman walks up to the front door of an abortionist & rings the bell. If the messenger isn’t there, the message can’t be given.

    C) Your analogy of the workplace doesn’t seem to hold in this case, because the players & the ends are completely different. A workplace presumes some common goodwill among workers & that most are striving toward the same goals, though perhaps just not in the most productive way.

    Your proposal of change-the-culture-from-within sounds like a pragmatic, humanistic solution that probably works fine in secular life, but doesn’t really have much application in the spiritual struggle against such a grave & immanent evil. I am fairly certain that no one within the abortion clinic will offer or allow anyone to offer unbiased, helpful advice on alternatives to abortion to a young woman sitting in front of the consultation desk. It is fundamentally contrary to the purpose of their existence to allow babies to go home alive within their mothers.

    Instead of a workplace, the best comparison is that of trench warfare with an enemy with whom one cannot reason or compromise. Not standing up to evil & calling it by its name to its face is to acquiesce.

    I do, however, agree that Christians are commissioned to change the culture at large from within.

    I don’t mean to be harsh & uncharitable, but I did want to point out that in such a grave, complex, & polarizing topic, we need to be extra sensitive to meaningful & necessary distinctions.

    God bless.

  • David

    During the flood, before I was able to get home, I stopped to buy some bottled water. The grocery store was chaotic. But I had the blessing of meeting a small child with Down Syndrome, one that many would have not allowed to come into existence. Even now the Grace of that meeting is emotionally powerful to me, and certainly the best “pro-life” argument I’ve ever encountered.

    This post and comments, re-visit a question that has nagged me for a long time. It really came to bother me after I read a baseball blog, in which the author mused about the possibility that there were people who “could see the other side” and people who “could not”. I knew what he meant about what I would call the spiritual world. But the division into those who could and could not see it, instantly bothered me. I think I felt it Classist, or Caste-like, and perhaps Calvinist in its sense of pre-destination. But the more I considered the notion, the deeper it bothered me. What if it were true in some sense? And what if it was still possible that they (we) be made to see? (or if others could be blinded?) And what was my place in that? For me, this view point has become harrowing, in both the new and the old sense.

    Maybe it allows, or even begs a kind of perspective that I think you’re striving for? I don’t know. It seemed connected when I started, and now I am not sure. I always wonder if what I add here makes any sense to anyone else. But I really do appreciate the opportunity to read your writing and that of all the commenters.

  • http://nowealthbutlife.com Rae

    Excellent post.

«     »