Blessed is the Kingdom

Seeking The Kingdom In All Things

You’ve Got A Friend In Me

Reveal all your thoughts and feelings regularly to a trusted person.

Maxim #14

Everyone needs a trusted friend who is there to listen without judgement and to share in all the ups and downs of life. It is essential to the Christian life to have someone who knows us well enough to offer good advice and to support us even when we fail to heed that advice. A good friend is someone who knows all the best and worst things about us, but loves us not for any external reason, but simply for who we are.

Often in the Church, the person who has played the role of a trusted confidant is a spiritual director or confessor. I find it interesting in today’s world that while there has been a sharp decline in those seeking the sacrament of reconciliation, there has been an increase in those seeking professional help from those who are trained to listen and then to guide people along the path of healing. The need to share our deepest thoughts and emotions with someone we trust seems hardwired into the human soul.

When looking specifically at the sacrament of confession, it is not difficult to see why this is an essential part of our journey as Christians. First and foremost, confession allows us to receive God’s mercy in a tangible way. It is one thing to ask directly for God’s forgiveness, but quite another to feel the touch of another person and hear aloud words of forgiveness. Hearing the words matters. In the same way that the love between spouses is strengthened when the words, “I love you” are said aloud, the reality of God’s forgiveness is strengthened in this sacrament. Another aspect of this sacrament or spiritual direction is that if one can confess regularly to the same person, it allows this trusted relationship to grow enough that one can begin working even on our temptations. We all have specific patterns of sin and temptation, and regular confession of them to a trusted guide can help destroy the power these temptations have over us. As this past Sunday’s reading from the 1st Letter of Peter tells us, we are called to live in God’s wonderful light.

If you don’t yet have a trusted friend with whom you can share the most important aspects of your life, I encourage you to find someone who can be a listening companion. None of us are meant to live the Christian life alone. When we attempt to do so, we often set ourselves up for failure. Having a trusted friend to share our journey of faith can help keep us on the path which God has prepared for each of us.

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This entry was posted by on Monday, May 23rd, 2011 at 10:51 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

About The Author

Fr. Christian is the pastor of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Lenoir City, TN.

Comments

  • mgalbaugh

    So true, so true.  At the risk of being called a meanie-pants, though, a distinction should be made: spiritual guidance & confession are not the same things.  The confessional is not the place for friends to visit, tell jokes, & air out how the week went, especially when others are waiting.  Time since last confession, mortal sins by name & number, & perhaps a few venial sins, if remembered, does just fine.

    It also occurs to me, that a critical part of the Christian life is deep, honest, penetrating self-examination.  So while trying to go it alone has risks, being unwilling to be alone with one’s self is also a spiritual failure.  I think too many people prefer to have others fill that role for them instead of peering into their own soul.  No one else can look into that “infinite abyss of existence,” as Bl. John H. Newman calls man’s innermost being.

    Here’s Fr. Zuhlsdorf’s classic post on 20 tips for making a good confession:
    http://wdtprs.com/blog/2011/04/the-list-again-fr-zs-20-tips-for-making-a-good-confession-and-fr-z-rants/

    One priest commentator adds: tell sins, not their stories; & always give thanks to God afterward.

    Another commentator says her motto for confession is, “Be blunt, be brief, be gone.”  Amen.

    I would add: Thank the priest & pray for them, too.

  • Elizabeth Mahlou

    We have a wonderful prayer group that provides this kind of listening and loving support. I co-lead with a someone who is a trained spiritual director (lucky us) and a nun from our local convent is a faithful attendee and provides another form of “direction” since she is quick to speak up when our thinking strays in inappropriate ways. People have bonded to the point that we call each other during the week or send text messages for prayer support in between our weekly meetings. (I do agree, though, that reconciliation is the best-kept secret in the Catholic world; why people would not take greater advantage of it, I don’t know.)

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Mark,

    I would agree that in order for confession or spiritual direction to be effective, it is imperative to spend time alone first. 

    I love the quote “Be blunt, be brief, be gone.”

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    That sounds like an excellent group to be a part of Elizabeth!

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