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Why Are Roman Catholic Priests So Happy? (A Top 10 List)

Has anyone else noticed that in almost every picture of Pope Benedict XVI he is smiling from ear to ear? He has a kind of impish grin that exudes joy above all else. I mentioned in an earlier post that one of the highlights of our recent priest gathering was hearing Msgr. Stephen Rossetti speak to us on his findings that the vast majority of priests in our country are happy people. His research shows that we priests are actually at the top of the scale for happiness. What was most interesting about Msgr. Rossetti’s presentation were the predicators of priestly happiness. There were a couple of surprises in these for me, but for the most part when I examine them, they make quite a bit of sense. So without further ado, here are the top ten things that can help one predict that a man will be happy as a priest.

#10 Devotion to Mary – I must admit that this was one of the surprising ones for me, but then when I thought about it more it started to make a bit more sense. Mary is the perfect example of what it means to be a Christian. She was a woman of humility who carried God within her and spent her entire life leading others to her Son. She didn’t selfishly hold Him to herself, but rather was able to let Him go so that he could serve others. In doing so, she suffered greatly. Mary is the perfect model of priesthood. It seems logical that priests who ask frequently for her intercession would be happy.

#9 Close Friends - Priests who report having close friends are more likely to be happy than those who do not. I’m not sure if I need to say much about this one. It seems obvious that the person who has close friends has, as the Scriptures put it, a treasure. Anyone who has good friends has been extremely blessed. Friends are there to share in our joys and sorrows and to put a smile on our face.

#8 Priests’ Mutual Support - I can’t begin to say how important this one is. There are many things about the life that priests lead that only priests can understand. We share a bond of brotherhood that is unlike any that I have ever experienced. The priesthood is truly a family. I know this unfortunately through the great pain that I have experienced when my brothers have done terrible things to children and I as a priest am connected to them through this sacred brotherhood. I know it too when my brothers perform acts of heroic virtue in our world that far surpass anything I have done. There is a pride in knowing that we share a sacred bond. I have been lucky to have an amazing group of brother priests who have supported me through good times and bad.

#7 Obedience to Authority - For most Americans, this may seem like a strange predicator of happiness, but there it is among those things that set apart happy priests. Here is the way I see it. Voluntary obedience to someone is the best cure there is for narcissism. One of the greatest temptations that most priests face, in my opinion, is the temptation to narcissism. It takes no effort at all to listen to those who think you are “all that and a hotdog”. It is easy to believe the hype. Obedience to authority is an excellent counter to this particular temptation as one’s bishop can often see things a bit more clearly. And I can now speak from experience in saying that even when I have been in the midst of great struggles to see any good in what I was doing with my ministry, there is always something bigger than oneself. When we can come to grips with that, that’s when we are truly doing the ministry God has chosen for us. What could make one more happy than that?

#6 Not Having a Dysfunctional Childhood - This one once again seems obvious. There are many people who suffer greatly, not just as children, from growing up in what we today like to call dysfunction. Those who are called to be priests are no different than anyone else in this regard. The question I suppose, and I say this only partly in jest, is whether or not we can put the “fun” in dysfunction. For those of us who have grown up in world where dysfunctional families seem to be more and more the norm, there is the added challenge of dealing with past hurts so that they are not passed on to those we minister to. Fr. Henri Nouwen often made reference to the “wounded healer”. My own belief is that wounded healers can only be effective if they have sought to heal their own wounds before attempting to help others do the same.

#5 Not Feeling Lonely and Unappreciated - #9 and #8 in this Top 10 list seem to be closely related to this one. There are certainly many moments in the priesthood when one is alone. I personally feel there is a distinct difference, however, in loneliness and being alone. A certain amount of being alone is necessary for priesthood to be successful. One needs to be alone to enter into prayer with God. One needs to be alone to discover the most important aspects of oneself. But loneliness is another thing altogether. Loneliness in the priesthood, at least in my experience, is a choice. People never fail to invite priests to be part of their lives, they want priests in their lives. True loneliness comes when we isolate ourselves from others. Feeling unappreciated is another thing altogether. When I really think about it though, it seems related to narcissism. Everyone likes to receive praise, but that same praise can easily be turned into a drug, especially for priests. We love hearing what a great sermon we gave, how great it was that we visited someone in the hospital, or how much better we are than the previous pastor. But those things are illusions and we are much happier when we pay no attention to them.

#4 Relationship to the Bishop - Since priests’ primary ministry is to share in the ministry of their bishop, this one does not surprise me at all. Most priests want to do things that make the bishop happy. Perhaps this is because we have an unhealthy need for approval. Perhaps it is because some of us are politicians and want to be bishops ourselves. There are, I am sure, a multitude of reasons for wanting to make the bishop happy. Since my bishop reads this blog, I will refrain from commenting on my reasons for wanting to make him happy. Though I am sure he has a good idea as to why I do what I do.

#3 Relationship to God - My friend Steve says that this should probably be number one, but when you see the actual number one, I think you may agree that #3 and #1 are related. The most important relationship that a priest should have is his relationship with God. Of course this is also true for every person on earth. Since the priest represents God in all that he does, having a good relationship with God is an indispensable part of one’s ministry as a priest.

#2 Positive View of Celibacy - As someone who has struggled with wanting to be both in priestly ministry and enter the sacrament of marriage, this is tough one. I know that there are those who would like for priests to simply express a romantic sense of what celibacy means and leave it at that, but for many of us, this is not the case. Celibacy has been, and is a sacrifice for me. I would like very much to be able to exercise my priesthood and to also be married. That being said, I understand and respect the value that comes from celibacy. There is something very positive about those who choose to forego marriage for the sake of others that is not widely accepted or understood. Our culture is overly sexualized and one of the few places where this is challenged is the Roman Catholic priesthood.

#1 Sense of Inner Peace - This one seems very obvious. Those who have inner peace can accomplish almost anything. Having inner peace also implies that one has a great relationship with God and others. It has been my experience that those without inner peace have issues to resolve either with God or others. At any rate, this is the number one indicator of whether priests will be happy. I would suspect it is also the number one indicator of happiness for most professions.

Msgr. Rossetti’s findings were very helpful for this priest. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on his top ten predicators of happy priests. Do these ten items match your experience with priests? If so, why? If not, why not? Your comments, as always, are welcome.

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This entry was posted by on Monday, June 20th, 2011 at 7:27 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

About The Author

Fr. Christian is the pastor of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Lenoir City, TN.

Comments

  • Ironiccatholic

    This is a great post, and convincingly responds to the prevailing sense some people have that priests must be unhappy do-gooders.  Thanks for sharing it.

  • http://drinkdeeplymydaughter.blogspot.com Amanda

    Wonderful post! I believe the same rings true for Sisters…for the same reasons (with some minor changes, of course)! 

  • http://profiles.google.com/fathershelton Father J.B. Shelton

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dsz4dB6DuM

    Father McKenzie, writing the words 
    of a sermon that no one will hear 
    No one comes near 
    Look at him working, darning his socks 
    in the night when there’s nobody there 
    What does he care

  • YIM Catholic

    Awesome post Fr. Christian! And very much needed these days too.

  • caribbeanpirates3

    Love this. I would agree that your list matches my experiences with the priests I know :)

  • Sporkymulldugger

    That is a weird reply to a serious post. Are you a weird priest?

  • Bpmathis

    #6 will forever keep you from being happy I guess!

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    I think we will both be happy when our childhood memoir, “We Thought It Was Normal At The Time”, is published and becomes a best seller among humor books.

  • Sporkymulldugger

    I think your post overlooks something very important about the human being. 

    All human beings have normal desires, wants and needs. Psychological repression is the attempt to repel ones own desires and impulses towards pleasurable instincts including sexual desires, wishes, fantasies or feelings. Repression is caused when an external force puts itself in contrast with the desire, threatening to cause suffering if the desire is satisfied, thereby posing a conflict for the individual. The repressive response to the conflict is to exclude the desire from one’s consciousness and hold or subdue it in the unconscious. Repression plays a major role in many mental illnesses.

    I doubt such repression  leads to happiness.

  • Sporkymulldugger

    No offense intended, but a few questions came to mind as I read this post… 

    #10 Devotion to Mary: Does this not rather fulfill a deep-seated  psychological need to sublimate ones repressed sexual energies onto a in accessible and therefore non-threatening female figure?

    #9 Close Friends: How can a priest truly have “close friends” and maintain the artificial social barriers created by clericalism? Would not such relationships blur the lines between minister and faithful? Would they not create the “temptation” you frequently speak of here?

    #8 Priests’ Mutual Support: Why is so much emotional support actually needed?  Does not the heavy burden of celibacy create such a need? If so, does that not make a statement about the detrimental nature of a celibate, and perhaps even the entire, priestly lifestyle?  

    #7 Obedience to Authority: How can one maintain that obedience is a “cure for narcissism” when there are so many examples of priest in the media who are both obedient to church law yet narcissistic to an extreme? Are the two truly mutually exclusive as you claim?

    #6 Not Having a Dysfunctional Childhood: Regardless of one’ childhood, are not the very marks of priestly life (arbitrary celibacy, lack of independence, and blind obedience to authority) indicators of a dysfunctional adulthood?   

    #5 Not Feeling Lonely and Unappreciated: Does not the very need to make a distinction between “loneliness” and “being alone” reveal that loneliness is actually the core problem? Why play word games instead of facing the issue?   

    #4 Relationship to the Bishop: Why not try to make God happy? Why focus mainly on the bishop? Who is more important in the life of a priest?  

    #3 Relationship to God: How can a priest’s belief that “represents God” in “all” his actions be reconciled with his human sinfulness? Would this not create intense cognitive dissonance in a person? Is such a self view not also a sign of narcissism?

    #2 Positive View of Celibacy: Consider this. What if celibacy is not “widely misunderstood?” What if the majority of the population not only criticizes it but do so justly and correctly? Would that mean that you are not actually one of the enlightened, few elites who understands celibacy and its supposed value?

    #1 Sense of Inner Peace: How can one truly be at peace while in a self imposed prison in which the very self is negate?

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Let me just say first Sporky, that your style of writing and anonymous name seem very similar to another recent commenter who went by some form of the name Skippy. If that IS you, then I would begin to wonder about your continued need to comment here, and why you feel the need to distance your own name from your opinions that you feel so strongly about. 

    This being said, I agree with the fact that repression rarely leads to happiness and disagree with your assessment that most people who freely choose celibacy are repressed. 

    Thanks for your comment!

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    No offense intended Sporky, but a few thoughts come to mind as I read your comment.

    #10 “Does this not rather fulfill a deep-seated  psychological need to sublimate ones repressed sexual energies onto a in accessible and therefore non-threatening female figure?” No. As I mentioned in the post Mary is the best example of generous self giving and a model for priesthood. 

    #9 Your comment about close friends only makes sense if one buys into your premise that in order to have close friends priests must “maintain the artificial social barriers created by clericalism” and be involved in relationships that blur the lines between minister and faithful. Our modern world seems to equate intimacy with genital sexual ecnounters. I do not. 

    #8 You ask why is so much emotional support needed. My answer is that human beings are communal beings. We require the emotional support of others, whether we be married, single or celibate. A good example of how that can play out in a positive sense today at our parish was our staff giving flowers to two of our staff members who have been working overtime for the children of our parish this week. I am sure that it meant a great deal to the the two of them to know that we were supporting them. 

    #7 I don’t know which priests you are speaking of, but I know that true obedience is a cure for narcissism. There are indeed narcissistic priests, but they are rarely the ones who are obedient. They are more often than not the ones who seek the spotlight and who ask their bishops to make exceptions for them. 

    #6 Those who enter the priesthood voluntarily choose celibacy, have much more independence than most in America’s workforce and are far from giving “blind” obedience to anyone. I have worked as a priest and in the “real world”, and I can tell you that I have much more freedom as a priest than I did anywhere else. 

    #5 The distinction here is not a word game. One can feel lonely anywhere, as a celibate priest, as a married person or as a single person in the heart of New York City. Loneliness is part of life. Being along is one of the things necessary for anyone serious about living the Gospel. Being alone allows time for God. Those who don’t understand the difference would do well to spend some time learning the difference.

    #4 If you take at look at #3 and #1 you will see that cultivating a relationship with God which is the main factor of inner peace is in fact more important than the relationship the one’s bishop. But since the priest’s ministry is a partnership with his bishop, having a good relationship with him would seem to be important.

    #3 I never said, nor has the Church said, that the priest represents God in “all” his actions. When I sin, I fall short of representing God, as do all Christians. Priests represent God when they celebrate the sacraments, not when they sin, which they do, just like all human beings. 

    #2  Consider this. What if celibacy is “widely misunderstood?” What if the majority of the population criticizes it unjustly and incorrectly? Would that mean that you are not actually one of the enlightened, few elites who understands celibacy and its lack of value? Priests freely choose to be celibate, no one forces it upon them or anyone else. The continued attacks on those who freely choose it baffle me. 

    #1 To your comments on this I can only respond that for most priests, our life is not a self imposed prison in which the very self is negated. If it were, most of us would be long gone, since we have a choice every day to continue in ministry or to abandon it. 

    Once again, no offense, but it seems you have an axe to grind here and you choose to do so through blog comments. I have not deleted your comments or attempted to say anything disparaging about you, but I will continue to defend my own ideas which are expressed here publicly. I do not hide my identity, but I wonder why it is that you do. I don’t expect you to agree with me, but I hope that you will at least give some thought to opinions that differ from yours. 

    Thank you again for continuing to visit this blog and to have the courage to post comments. I appreciate that very much. 

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Here I would have to agree with Sporky. Not sure what was intended by this reply.

  • Sporkymulldugger

    The only Skippy I know I is the peanut butter. But I see the similarity in the name. Likely, my writing style is not as smooth as Skippy’s.
     
    I started reading your blog because I found it interesting and have always been curious about Catholicism on some level. I stumbled across is because, as you said, it is public. Because it is public, I prefer to use my nickname. I assumed that was ok since it is an option for posting.

    It seems I struck an uncomfortable nerve here. I never intended for you to have to “defend” yourself against my comments.  So, please do not interpret my comments as a criticism of you. That would be impossible since I don’t actually know you. Rather, I am just puzzled as to why anyone would choose to submit blindly to authority and lifestyle which are clearly unworthy of such obedience and sacrifice. Again, no offense, but face it. It is an oddity.  Surely you have seen that reaction among family and friends regarding the choice of celibacy.
     
    You said you were “baffled” by those who “attack” the choice of celibacy. I think perhaps you misunderstand their motives. Perhaps they are not trying to “attack” you but to help you. I think it’s part of the basic goodness of human beings to try to help and guide those who appear to be making harmful decisions and life choices. Do you not do the same as a minister?      

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Sporky,

    You did not spark an uncomfortable nerve. What you did was to insult the priesthood of which I am a part of by assuming you can “help” someone you do not know to “fix” his “harmful decisions and life choices”. 

    Let me simply say that if you continue to make insulting comments about me or the priesthood at this blog, you will not be allowed to comment here at all. 

    And since you believe that it’s part of the basic goodness of human beings to try to help those making bad choices, let me offer a bit of help to you. 

    Simply putting the words, “no offense”, in front of something insulting does not mean that the insulting thing is not offensive. For example, “No offense, but you need to lose some weight,” would generally be seen as insulting. But I am pretty sure you know that already. 

    I hope that if you truly visit this blog because of an interest in Catholicism that you will continue to do so, but your comments need to change in their tone.

  • Sporkymulldugger

    Actually, I think this interaction has taught me all I need to know about Catholicism and its priesthood. Good luck.  

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