Winning the Good Fight Over Sexual Addiction

by Devin Rose on May 9, 2012

I hate the word pornography. It’s vile. Everything associated with it is vile. Sometimes at work I hear my colleagues (who are predominantly male) joke around about “porn” or “porn stars,” quips which always draw knowing laughs…except from me. Laughing about pornography is like laughing about heroin. There’s nothing funny about something that enslaves people to sin and causes pain to them and their loved ones.

The Cord of St. Joseph

But I am here to tell you something wonderful today: you can overcome addiction to pornography. I can honestly tell you this because I have done so, and I was once as addicted as any man.

Before I share more with you, I should qualify what I just said by adding that I still face temptations to lust on a regular basis. It’s just that now I have the virtue to overcome the temptation and choose chastity over lust. But I am conscious of my own weakness and know that if I toy with temptation, it could overcome me again and cause me to fall to sin, so I am always vigilant. Some saints in the Church were given special graces by God to not even be tempted to lust–St. Joseph and St. Thomas come to mind–but most of us have not been given such extraordinary measures and must be prepared daily to face temptation.

There was no one day when I realized I had overcome habitual lust and sexual addiction. It doesn’t work that way. Instead, I kept fighting the battle, availing myself of everything I could to help me live chastely: I put pictures of Our Lady around my computer, went to daily Mass and adoration whenever I could, studied the Theology of the Body, did accountability groups with close friends of mine, wore the Cord of St. Joseph, prayed novenas to St. Maria Goretti and St. Therese, and went to Confession after I fell to temptation.

Some people say this or that measure “doesn’t work,” but different things work for different people. I say, take the shotgun approach: use everything you can and find what works best for you. Don’t be afraid to try something that could help.

One verse that gave me great encouragement during my struggle to overcome pornography addiction was 1 Cor. 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

How reassuring to know that, even when temptation felt beyond my power to overcome, God promises to give the grace to overcome it. I only have to accept that grace.

It took me years of praying, attending Mass, and receiving the sacraments to overcome my addiction. The fact is that lustful vice was deeply ingrained, an evil habit that had worn itself into my heart like a rut in the road. I had to work and pray hard on the opposite virtue of chastity to form a good habit in myself, one that would make it possible for me to avoid falling into the rut of vice again. Though it took a long time, that eventually happened, by the grace of God, and the feeling of being free from the slavery to sin was indescribable. No longer was I controlled by twisted desires, but instead I was under the aegis of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of power, of love, and of self-mastery.

For those of you who are still struggling with this sin, know that I sympathize. I know how hopeless it can feel, like you will never overcome it. But you can. Because God is faithful. The one critical component to victory is simply to not give up, no matter how many times you fall. Ask God for forgiveness, and try again. And again, and again, as long as it takes. Even when you “know” that you will fall again, get up and do your best, with His help. He knows us, knows our weakness, and also knows that through this fight, we will become the manly saints that He created us to be.

Please feel free to share anything that has helped you in growing in purity and avoiding lust.

Devin Rose inspires me with his courage to speak about this often taboo topic. He reminds me that one of the best ways of dealing with sin and temptation is to shine God’s healing light upon them. I am thankful that he agreed to contribute this guest post to Blessed Is The Kingdom. You can read more of his writing at his blog St. Joseph’s Vanguard. His recent book, If Protestantism Is True is available at amazon.com.

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Tagged as: addiction, chastity, Cord of St. Joseph, Devin Rose, forgiveness, grace, habits, lust, pornography, prayer, purity, sin, slavery, St. Joseph, St. Thomas Aquinas, struggle, temptation, Theology of the Body, vice, virtue

  • Ironiccatholic

    I just want to sat thanks for speaking openly about this.  I honestly don’t know many parishes that speak on this (and let’s be honest, a homily on this is not easy with children in the house).  More people need this kind of encouragement and hope.  My question is how to reach them.

  • Brotherinarms

    I recently heard that God permits those who suffer from pride to fall into sensual sins. It really opened my eyes to my recent failings . I have struggled with sensuality most of my life and understood that pride is at the heart of all sin, but it was a real eye opener to my ongoing struggles.

  • John Leighton

    I too believe that I have overcome this sin, after decades of practicing it.  Your description of the rut in your heart mirrors my description of the crevasse in my soul.  I felt as if I would never overcome my pattern of behavior.  My first glimmer of hope came during confession.  The priest gave me some helpful instruction, but I had heard every kind of instruction many times over.  I asked the priest if he believed that it was possible for me to overcome this sin.  He immediately responded “Yes” with great enthusiasm.  He proceeded to tell me that he knew that I would overcome it if I truly desired to do so.  He instructed me that Satan was like an adulterous lover trying to woo me away from my true lover, Jesus.  He said that Satan desired to keep his temptations in secret, because he knows that if my true lover were to be made aware of his secret advances, that Jesus would send an army of Angels to assist me.  The priest then instructed me to make Jesus aware of these temptations the moment that they present themselves.  He instructed me to simply pray: “Jesus, heal me of my character defects.”  The priest finished by encouraging me to come to confession often, even weekly, and to come immediately after I give in to my temptation if I do so.  I obeyed these instructions, and found this simple prayer to Jesus a powerful one.  I always would imagine Jesus sending me an army of angels to defend me.  I too still am tempted, and I still pray my simple prayer often, some days many times over.

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Thanks Ironic Catholic,

    I think that having guest speakers come in who are called to talk on chastity is one way…make it men only, or repeat the talk twice, once for men once for women. 

    I’m not one of those speakers, though I have given talks on chastity in the past at the invitation of friends who were youth group/young adult coordinators at my parish.

    God bless!
    Devin

  • TJ

    Devin,

    Thanks for your post.  By the grace of God, upon my (small c) conversion I was able to go “cold turkey” after years of regular pornography use.  Agreed, though, that it’s never a battle that is over and done with.   

  • Ghessel

    How did you become addicted?

  • Hopeful

    Thank you Devin. My freedom came during my regular hour of Adoration. I was looking at the monstrance, full of self-loathing & despair. Something like a gentle bulldozer (my words can’t encompass what happened) pushed across me & in that moment I was free from the complusion to lust; not the temtation mind you, but the complusion. A miracle of mercy, gratuitous & unearned, as they always are. Now when the daily tempations come up I say “Jesus mercy; Mary help.” Our Father is faithful, He is love, we aren’t alone. He freed me & I had dropped into the lower levels of filth.

  • Strikermcs

    For me the best thing was confession, confession, confession.  Everytime I sinned I was back in line next week at the Confessional.  It took a long time; but, the freedom from slavery is amazing!

  • Catholic

    God bless you Devin. I too have and still struggle with this evil addiction. I could not agree with you more on everything you touched upon. Confession, Mass, Adoration, and the Holy Rosary are what will set me free one day I believe. Please pray for me, as I will for you and all who keep fighting the good fight! JMJ

  • Michael Petry

    @2969a44c220fc9649273ecf6831e54f5:disqus Why not have a mass for men, strictly men, no children.  Maybe on St Joseph’s Feast day?  The priest, also a man, can speak openly and honestly about things that trouble men.  Afterward maybe a time for married men and those that are discerning marriage, religious life, etc…can speak with one another.  Not sure how the after mass portion would be arranged but men need other MEN to challenge and them and keep each other strong.  These days especially we need it for our children, and our wives (whether or not they acknowledge it or not).  We have to be strong and all this religious liberty stuff has me scared…we seriously need the Armour of Christ.

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Thanks again Devin for your willingness to speak on this topic. Thanks also to all the commenters here so far. Keep up the good fight!

  • Young Catholic Male Convert

    As someone who has struggled with this addiction for seven years and has only just now been starting to overcome it, thank you, Devin, for sparking my courage. It is so incredibly harrowing to keep fighting when you’re fighting alone, and the more you invest yourself in the battle, the farther you fall when you fail and that harder it is to get back up again. Thank you again for inspiring and helping to form courageous and truly, authentically masculine men.

  • Frank M.

    It is now, I think, also scientifically documented, that porn is highly addicting. Some claim as addicting as heroine… well perhaps it’s true, although luckily it is not as damaging (physically at least) since it’s much more widespread than heroine.

    I have seen a documentary where several men in the UK even lost their jobs due to their porn addiction, because they were unable to work or perform their work correctly, as their mind was set only on seeking porn, like a crack-hhead mind is set on getting high on crack. 

    So porn can be also quite damaging behond the merely ‘spiritual’ realm.

    Another horrible thing is the suffering of women in the porn industry. Many of them, even if they do it willingly, they face afterwards bitter consequences (starting with STDs). So porn making is always a from of exploitation, since most actreces go into that world not because they like it but because they (think) have no other choice.

  • Markus

    Thank you for the encouragement.  I too had this problem, after 40 years of attending Mass, recieving Holy Communion and knowing nothing about SIN because it’s was never preached at the pulpit, but only with Gods grace, the help of the Holy Spirit I’m finally getting back on track and going confession regularly and feeling strong enough to resist pornography.  I do have temptation still everyday but I have enough strenght to turn my head the other way and ask for blessings from St. Joseph and our Blessed Mother. 

    Our Priest (Latin) basically set things straight when he said;  we have two choices; Heaven or Hell it’s up to us….my jaws dropped since I’ve never heard these words before. 

    Now In Christ!

    CATHOLIC=(Calling All To Holy Obedient Life In Christ)

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    It’s a subject that is too often left in the shadows and many men choose to remain there due to the shame. Being able to talk openly about it, or perhaps within the confines of the confessional is one way to lessen the power this particular temptation has over a person.

  • Donkey Guy

    Hi there Mr Rose and thank you for taking the time to write this article. I’ve always taken an interest in the fight against pornography by individuals as it is a severe addiction I am still in the midst of battling. 

    I understand that we all lead different lives and therefore have different spiritual needs and battles, so it wouldn’t really make much sense to say “look at my progress and tell me how am I doing”. But I’d like to just contradict myself and ask everyone here because I want to know. 

    So far I’ve been trying to overcome my addiction and sin in pornography for at least 2 years (though I was addicted for at least 13 years already). At one one point, I was able to go cold turkey and was totally done with it for almost a year. But since then I’ve fallen back and its gotten so bad that for the past 4 months I’ve been going to confession at least 3 times a month just for the same problem. I’m wondering if I am doing everything wrong or is this some phase of addiction some of us must pass through.

  • Young Catholic Male Convert

    I’ve known men who have had to go to Confession daily for a time in order to beat pornography.

  • Jake in Pittsburgh

    I needed a personal crisis to commit myself to the virtue of chastity. After years of sin, it was a near-miss with my sixth child, in utero, that opened my eyes to the blessings in my life, blessings which were obscured by sin.

    It’s not that I bargained with the Lord. Instead, I saw that the blessing of her health was a small microcosm– small but, of course, profound– of what the Lord was offering me on a daily basis. Blessing after blessing after blessing each day; yet I was turning from those things to sin on a near-daily basis.

    Now, when temptation arises, I think of her, and of all the blessings that emanate from the Spirit every day in my life; but I never lose sight of her and that moment of epiphany. Of course, those blessings were always there (and when you see them, boy, do they pile up!). But my sin was a veil over my eyes.

    What is that one thing in your life– that person, or moment, or place, or memory– that makes you blossom with love of the Lord? Commit to that and, with when temptation strikes, offer that blessing back to the Lord: Lord Jesus, by that blessing, give me strength to overcome.

    And, always, the intercession of the big boys– St. Joseph, St. Michael the Archangel, and St. Jude.

  • Sophie

    Pray to Our Lady. Ask her to pray for your release from this addiction. Tell her you are unworthy of such a boon but you ask it anyway because you fear for your immortal soul. I’ll pray for you too. Many people have been gifted such a release by her. It is within God’s power to simply free you from this with a nod. God Bless you.

  • Newme

    Thank you so much Devin. Planning to share it with a loved one who is fighting the same tempation

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Hi Donkey Guy,

    Sometimes it feels like 3 steps forward, 2 back. I know what that is like. Just remember that discouragement is never from God: no matter that you fall to temptation after a long time of resisting it, God loves you and is helping you and won’t give up on you.

    So just repenting, Confessing, praying, and striving, secure in the love of Christ.

    Devin

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Thanks my friend.

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Amen. Yes the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet have both been critical in striving to grow in chastity.

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    I grew up in an atheistic home and pornography was never discouraged…it was even implicitly encouraged. So as a young man I became addicted.

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Thanks Joseph. 

  • Goffstownrentals

    Funny, I have never struggled with pornography …once-and-awhile a gander, but never had the consistent desire to view.  I am married with two (2) daughters…my struggle is with alcohol.  Sure, I am a guy, and have the sexual temptations that all guys have.  However, I simply do not have the  desire to sit in front of my computer and watch this stuff.  My pattern is drinking, reading theology blogs, then drinking some more.  

  • Higheraim

    Allow me to share humbly an additional point here which seemed to be lacking. It is true indeed that through our prayers, adoration, holy communions & vigilance we are strengthened in the struggle for chastity. I haven’t read here a comment that speaks about the avoidance of the occassion of the sin of impurity. As of our technologically-advanced era internet is the proximate occasion of sin. Computers in the bedrooms, I consider the very root and the cause of addiction. Unless we draw ourselves away from these gadgets or place them somewhere were somebody else can see us working with it, it lessens the occasion to sin. If we cannot avoid totally the thing, then we must place some programs that filters the accesses to those sites. It is the least we can show to God we are really striving to fight the sin.

  • Higheraim

    Or did you ever try to throw your computer or other gadgets away? Once and for all… That will end up the temptations to pornography!

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    I agree completely. One true way of combating temptations is to know what is going to lure us into sin and avoiding those things to begin with. 

    All of the suggestions you make for those struggling with this type of temptation can also apply to parents setting up guidelines for technology use by their children.

  • http://lacydelagarza.wordpress.com/ Lacy de la Garza

    As a young Catholic woman, I find great heart in the fact that men are still trying to fight the good fight and be the men Christ intended them to be.  I want to know that my future family rests well in the hands of a man who works continuously at his own holiness, and will lead our future children and myself to heaven with his good example.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marty-Sanders/601084651 Marty Sanders

    Thank you so much for sharing about your addiction.  Mine is not an addiction to pornography, but to food.  I abuse my body by either overeating or starving myself.  Although your experience is about pornography, what you wrote has helped me with some things I can do.  Thank you so much!

  • Mark G.

    I certainly do agree about technology being an occasion of sin.  We live in a hyper-sexualized culture & this stuff is piped in through every possible digital channel.  

    But also remember that technology per se is neither good or evil.  It is from our own disordered desires that sins arise.  I imagine one could throw away everything they owned & live in a mountain cave & still be consumed by sexual desires.  

    As a spiritual battle, recourse to prayer, esp. the Rosary, the Scriptures, Mass, Confession, the company of holy people, & turning one’s attention to charitable work are great helps for me, & I think would be to anyone.

    As a Church & a parish, we need to find more ways to have healthy conversations about this & ways of help those who struggle.  

    I’d also like to develop an appropriate program to explain God’s beautiful truth about men & women to our Youth. If we don’t teach them, be sure that the world will.

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